Young girls had little control over their lives during the Regency and Victorian eras. Their lives were strictly regulated by nurses and governesses. The girls were expected to practice correct moral and social standards. Responsibilities to family and name were numerous. Young girls learnt the necessity of benevolence. Charitable acts were taught by mothers and other female relatives.
1815
Other than this “insistence” on their daughters showing condescension, parental involvement in their daughters’ educations was very limited. Remaining remote and indifferent was more the mode of the day. Mothers were traditionally active with their own social lives. Children remained at home with nurses/governesses while their mothers lived an active social life. Girls remained under the control of their nannies or governesses until they were old enough to make their debut into Society. Children often knew more affection from the house’s servants than did their parents.
Even when in residence, parents often preferred formal “daily visits” with their children rather than interacting with them informally. During the “children’s hour,” the young ones “performed” for their parents in carefully prepared exhibitions of what they had learned during their studies. The children, essentially, lived in a different world upstairs, and they were at the mercy of their caregivers. Sometimes, children resided in another of the family’s properties, or they were left in the country while their parents saw to their father’s developing political career in London. And Heaven Forbid, a marriage knew its troubles. Female children might be foisted off on other relatives or sent to live abroad under the care of a distant relative or governess. Male children were sent away to school and experienced a different type of isolation.
The segregation from the family extended to all parts of the child’s life: meals, sleeping quarters, and entertainment. Larger houses might have both day and night nurseries, as well as separate rooms for the older children. Food was often monotonous. Separate meals were prepared for the nursery. Furniture inside the nursery was often shabby. Girls often received a doll’s house, a rocking horse, and a painted screen as toys.
1840
During the Victorian era, girls were dressed in numerous petticoats. During the winter, the petticoats were made of flannel. In the summer, they were starched stiff. Black-buttoned shoes, elaborate hats, and pelisses were worn out of doors. The same clothes were not worn for both morning and afternoon activities, and another change of clothes was required for the formal visits with their parents.
A governess’s job was to teach the children of middle and upper class households in 19th Century England. By 1850, there were 21,000 governesses registered in England. In Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, our heroine places the following advertisement, which eventually lands her the position at Thornhill Hall: A young lady accustomed to tuition is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private home where the children are under fourteen. She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good English education, together with French, Drawing, and Music.” The governess would remain in the household until the children departed for school or, in the case of young ladies, made her Come Out.
Being neither family nor servant, the governess spent a lonely lifestyle. Unfortunately, a large number of governesses had no family of their own to visit when given a rare holiday or from whom to receive a letter to ease the hours of isolation. Of course, in romance novels, the governess often attracts the attentions of the younger sons, or in Jane Eyre’s case, the master’s eye. For every “Jane Eyre,” there were likely many governesses who succumbed to the attentions of the households’ most seductive gentlemen. Affairs were more commonplace than we would like to think.
Expectations placed on young people of the aristocracy and the gentry were quite high. A young man was “expected” to make a match that would bring wealth or position to his family name. First, a gentleman was often several years older than his potential mate. For example, Fitzwilliam Darcy is eight and twenty years of age, while Elizabeth Bennet is twenty. In fact, Elizabeth and Jane Bennet are very close to being “on the shelf.” Girls made their Society debut at age sixteen. Gentlemen at age one and twenty. Several logical reasons affected these unspoken rules of courtship. For example, childbirth was a difficult time for women. Dangers were aplenty. It was believed that a young wife could withstand the need to produce the necessary “heir and a spare.” For the gentleman, twenty-one was the age at which a man could enter a contract without his father’s permission. One must recall that an engagement required a written contract during the Regency Period. Men without financial prospects often waited to marry in order to establish their careers and earn enough money to support a wife and children. Therefore, it was not uncommon for a man to marry at age 30 and for his wife to be between 16 and 20 years of age.
Actually, the first time most couples were alone was during the actual proposal. Engagement rings were not necessarily given as a symbol of the lady’s acceptance. A woman’s power of refusal was her only control in the situation. Henry Tilney says as such in “Northanger Abbey.” Rarely did a woman refuse the proposal (except in the case of Elizabeth Bennet with both Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy). If one recalls, Mr. Collins points out that Elizabeth is not likely to receive another proposal if she refuses him. Occasionally, a woman would break the engagement, but it was frowned upon for a gentleman to break the engagement. Society’s disapproval of his breaking the engagement is why Edward Ferrars keeps his word to Lucy Steele in “Sense and Sensibility.”
Every Woman Dreams... 